The Helm

I must post my pictures of this establishment when I get a chance.
Yes, it is a dive bar, and it can be scary. I had some random drunk girl creeping up on me. Uh, my fiancé was right behind me. My attempts to nicely tell her to leave me alone were unnoticed. I mean, it was nice to know that someone with extreme beer goggles, slurring their speech and getting within my personal space finds me interesting, but I think I can do without that attention.
Other than that interesting example of humanity, bring your cash for the strong drinks. And wash your clothes afterward and shower, because it is pretty much a guarantee you’ll feel dirty. But it has a unique charm that I cannot quite place. So I mean, why not stop on by before they close up shop later this month.

Ms. Pacman and $ 5 captain n cokes… I could be entertained for hours.

As the old saying goes…“Good riddance to bad rubbish” really fits this awful place. Hey, I love me some dive bars. Ever been to The Saloon in San Francisco? (
) How about Coops Place in New Orleans where when it rains the bartenders have to walk around the cascading water running down the wall behind the bar. How about The Goat Hill next door? Everyone slams The Goat for being so dirty. Well at least they have soap in the mens room. Not only wasn’t there any soap, they don’t even have a soap dispenser. Most bars in TJ even have soap these days.
Most dive bars have a decent selection of draughts huh? Not here, only Bud, which is about the worst of the domestics IMO. Most dive bars have ice cold bottled beer huh? Not here, my Newcastle was piss warm. Thanks bartender lady.
Yeah yeah, we all feel bad because these ppl are losing their jobs so the landlord (Goat Hill) can convert the space into a Martini Bar. And I’m sure it will be really tough to get a new job when you have this establishment on your resume. On second thought, you may want to avoid putting that down.
Adiós Helm, won’t be missing ya.

These are hard economic times for everyone and it sucks that businesses with an established history keep going under these days. Having said that though, I can kind of see why this place is closing its doors. With a place right next door to you offering up an impressive assortment of beers on tap at a very competitive price, I’m not sure how you would survive. There would have to be something that would make you stand out compared to your nemesis next door but after having visited this place, I’m not sure what that something could have been. It’s like night and day, literally between Goat Hill and The Helm.
I do give them props for allowing our group of 11 or so to order in food and have it delivered. And for giving us the freedom to rearrange the tables to accommodate our group and finally they have an old school Ms Pacman and Galaga arcade game. Nice!
The bottled beer selection is pretty mediocre and the only draught beer is Budweiser, which you get in a mug for $ 2.50. Pretty good. All in all ok, I feel for them though, you can see the bar staff are upset about the shut down.

Dive bar. If you look up the definition of what a dive bar is on Wikipedia, it says:
«Dive bars generally have a relaxed and informal atmosphere – they are often referred to by local residents as „neighborhood bars,“ where people in the neighborhood gather to drink and socialize.»
This is not an impressive place as far as décor, architecture or amenities goes and by the above definition, it doesn’t have to be. It’s has three functional areas — bar with enough stools for everyone who wants one and a pool table, old school arcade games and pinball and then there’s a smoking area outside in the back of the bar under a semi covered patio area. The barkeep was friendly and talked about the circumstances surrounding this bar’s impending closure on August 27^th. The cold Miller Lite in a bottle was at $ 3.50. I was impressed they even serve it because many bars these days don’t due to Budweiser’s dominance in the market. Feeling nostalgic, I bought one of their t-​shirts for $ 15.
I came here on a Saturday afternoon because Mel M. was having her unbirthday gathering. She’s always been cool to me, so I thought I’d bring the cookie lady a homemade lemon cupcake. We hung out, talked, Jo brought her «Apples to Apples» game and eventually, Mel ordered a few pizzas because this bar doesn’t serve any food. After the game was over, the crowd was dwindling and as it was nearing 8PM, the happy unbirthday girl said it was time to go.
I saw a shiny new blue Lamborghini traveling on the 55N on the way home and thought a place like The Helm would probably be lost on someone who drives a car like that, but with perceived notion that upscale is the way to drive in customers nowadays, it’s sad that a place like the oldest dive bar in Orange County has to close.

i cannot believe the helm is closing (i heard august 27^th)!!! one of my favorite dive bars… so many friendly people there… the regulars are friendly and genuine… the tenders are always nice to me… many a day i have spent here with a book and a notebook simply drinking and being… the bad things i have done in that bathroom…
oh and the drinks are hecka cheap and strong…
this is truly a definition of a dive bar… to me… quiet…such an essence of place… just glorious in its own sad (in a good way) comfort…
i will try to go as often as possible now that i know it is gonna be gone forever. and for what?.. a goddamned martini bar… i hope the ghosts of all those who drank at the helm haunts those yuppie fucks who pay 13 dollars for an agave couintreau gold rimmed ultra premium martini…
what a fart!

Booty dancing, pool, and cheap drinks in Newport. Also not the typical Newport crowd. Works for me.

This place is the bomb, if you like dive bars!!! It’s dark, small, and friendly, and like my friend mentioned… hadn’t changed in appearance for years. How awesome is that!
Drinks are inexpensive which allows you to indulge in several rounds, and let’s you dump money into the jukebox. Ok, that was the biggest selling point on making me love this dive bar. they actually had songs that I wasn’t expecting… like Neko Case and the Gourds.
There are pool tables and darts, if you are so inclined. I just enjoyed listening to the music, talking, and drinking.
Waitresses were super sweet too.
If you are looking for a dark dive bar, this is it. This is not a place to be seen… just a place to hang out.

I came here for a friend’s birthday and all I have to say is that I drank like it was MY birthday. The drinks were dirt cheap and were as strong as Lou Ferrigno’s left bicep. I was never aware that there were disgustingly fun dive bars in Costa Mesa but, alas, I was fooled by my own assumptions. I mean, seriously, $ 4.50 Captain and Coke? I was so excited that I peed everywhere like I had been drinking coffee and water all f**kin’ day!
I apologize to everybody that was there for that moment.

The Helm and I have recently broken up! Helm, I use to love you but I found someone else his name is Tony’s Place, he is on Newport Blvd. and Bay Street. I don’t have to deal with your Douche Bag overflow friends, he is cheaper then you, and this cock… tails better quality, a win, win! He is deeper and darker then you, he is your way cooler and hotter brother. Helm, I will come back and visit you time to time just because we were in love for a long time, we can still be friends…

I can’t even begin to tell you how many great nights out with good friends have happened here for me — leading to not so great morning afters.
Regardless, the place is great!
If Penny is bartending, ask her to make you a «Pennys Passion» (her speciality drink) — trust me, you won’t regret it.

This is the place to come when you are a serious drinker or need to actually get a drink and don’t want to wait 30 minutes over at the Goat Hill.
It’s dark, smelly, smoke filled… my kind of place. The mixed drinks are incredibly strong. Their Jack and Coke is more like a Jack on the rocks with a splash of coke.
You’ll also see a very mixed crowd of people in here. From the old guy that sits at the bar with a suit on to the funny little guys in their tight jeans, to the party river chicks and occasionally dudes that think they are tough and try to act like it but couldn’t punch their way out of a paper bag. Thankfully there are few of those here. Go to the Goat for that.
When I drank, this was were we would start our night and usually end our night.

I would like to make a toast to The Helm.
To the best dive bar I have ever walked into time and time again. I grew up sitting on the bar stools at The Helm. The Helm is personally responsible for toughening my skin, even if only slightly. I made friends with people that would have never spoken with me «on the outside». The Helm and I were the best of times. The Helm and I were the worst of times. Whether I sat there and drank by myself or I had an entourage by my side round after round… they are times that were completely unforgettable… It was me in my twenties.
Don’t get me wrong, the place is disgusting… It is seriously filthy. You have to keep your eye on any personal belongings at all times. Your quads really feel the burn when you’re squatting over the one toilet in the girls’ room and make sure you wear closed toed shoes, you don’t want any part of your skin touching the carpet.
If this review has turned you off, if right now your nose is scrunched up reading this… you’d be better off at The Goat Hill Tavern next door or better yet The Yardhouse across the street.

A-​1 Class F — KING # 1 DIVE BAR!
Puke, urine, filth, stinky, cheap booze, shitty people, really… I mean REALLY BAD SERVICE, irritated Bartenders, dirty glasses, and did I mention flithy-​urine-​smelling Dive Bar… need I go on?
Anyone, I mean ANYONE that expects ANYTHING else out of the Helm is an IDIOT!
There are less than a dozen ways to get 86’d
1. Shoot someone.
2. Fake ID.
3. Falling down drunk.
4. Be a complete A – hole or C – t to the Bartender.
Sorry…there are four ways to get 86’d from the Helm.
This is the TOP SHELF DIVE BAR of DIVE BARS… this SETS the Standard for all and others to imitate!
Rules
1. Only order beer… out of a bottle. Make sure the Bartender opens the bottle in front of you and you see the little ‘whiff’ of smoke come off the top, otherwise pass.
2. If you are going to drink hard booze, order shots only. You order a mixed drink, well I hope you have REALLY good health insurance. My advice, stick to bottled beer.
3. For all your Brain Scientist’s or Rocket Surgeon’s out there… DO NOT get into a discussion or heated debate with anyone in that place after 10 pm.
4. Two bottled beers, go to the Goat Hill Tavern next door. (If you have already been to the ‘Goat’s…go home, now.)
Warning — For all those with heightened Testatorone or other Male enhanced hormone issues, go somewhere else. If you’re sober you would not be there, if you are there, better keep your hormones in check, you will lose… big time. You will need a Bail Bondsmen, Dentist and probably a Plastic Surgeon… The rest of us just laugh… cuz you ‘Wannabes’ are funny, a good laugh and better than TV!

«What a dump!»
This place is dank, dark, and depressing. The drinks are cheap. I could stumble home on foot if I had to.
Ordinarily, the above would make The Helm my kind of place. I’m a dive bar aficionado from way back. What makes a dive bar special, though? Isn’t it the people? If all that you want to do is get drunk cheaply, isn’t it better to stay at home? When I drink in a dive bar, I want interesting characters to talk to who aren’t hostile. So, I have two stories about the types of people with whom you’ll be drinking if you happen to drop in.
The last time that I was here, my GF, two friends and I were drinking at the bar playing Megatouch. Well, that didn’t sit right with one patron, who was playing pool and occasionally had to ask us to move while she made her shot. She looked old enough to have dated Willie Mosconi, and she got surlier and surlier each time she asked us to move. She eventually told us that we had no right to be there. Just the way my great-​grandmothers would have handled it!
Another time, I was at the bar with a friend of mine enjoying a beer when a baby shower commenced. I am not making this up. The proud mother-​to-​be got a lot of disposable diapers. Now, this was easily the best baby shower that I’ve ever attended, but that’s not saying much, and the presence of a baby shower makes The Helm possibly the most pathetic dive bar I’ve ever been in (and you have no idea how strong a statement that is).
Now, if this happy hour is to be believed, it could be a good deal. I won’t guarantee that I’ll never come back. If it’s true, and if I don’t feel like Luke Skywalker in the cantina, it may get an extra star out of me yet.
BTW, Goat Hill has to be the worst bar with 150 beers on tap in the universe. I’ll get to them later.

Another place in costa mesa to get cheap drinks early in the morning… I stopped by here in the morning before Goat Hill Tavern was open.
The helm is nothing like goat hill, and thats great, this place is also a dive, its dark inside, but you can just sit here and enjoy your booze… same as tonys place, this place is full of old men with newspapers drinking since who knows when in the morning. Sounds like my kind of bar…

I’ve been here a couple of times, both times fairly early in the night so I don’t know if it gets more crowded later but it was pretty empty each time. There’s something I like about empty bars. This one was a total dive complete with cheap stiff drinks. I thought Johnny’s Saloon was the only bar around here that served drinks that cheap but I was wrong and I’m glad because now I’ve found something walking distance from where I live.
I’ve been to the Goat Hill next door and I have to say, I enjoy The Helm better since it has less drunken idiots and doesn’t smell nearly as bad as Goat Hill does.

I’ve been here a couple times, pro is you don’t have to get all dressed up like most bars in the area. The con, it’s pretty gross, the crowd, the bathroom, and the whole bar all together. I’d rather go next door to the Goat Hill, that place is a dive as well but the crowd is less white trashy.

When your up up your ears in young bro-​ish type dudes and duddettes over at the goathill tavern (right next door), the helm is a good sanctuary for escape.
Its a dive bar, dont be spectin’ anything fancy, just a good drink in a comfortable spot.
The Helm is dark, intimate and a great bar and good for people watching on the weekend, there’s always an interesting mix of people here.
Helm is a boating term and there is a slight boat theme going on here but nothing too loud. They have a good juke box, pool tables, a dart board, video games and a weird side room with a few tables.
The bartender lady is always nice and pours a stiff drink. They have a smoking patio in back and front and back exits in case you need to slip out all sly like.
Definitely a good local dive bar.

The Helm is BOSS! This is the bar!
This is where you take a date to determine whether she’s worth spending further time/​money with/​on.
The Helm demands a sense of humor and a robust macro-​outlook. Otherwise, you’ll get caught up in things like obsessive hygiene and proper lighting and a responsible attitude toward volume in all its definitions, all of which lead to a dramatically shortened lifespan.
No better Night Out has been devised than attending an event at somewhere like Segerstrom Hall, then hosing off all the High Falutin’ with a few belts at The Helm.
The Helm is the perfect home base: you begin a night there, getting limbered up; you finish off there with a nightcap and a psychological steam-​release.
…and sometimes the best laid schemes go awry and you spend the whole night there, taking strong, low-​priced drink from the jovial bartending staff, who are also adept at quelling the occasional uprising (The Helm can be a rowdy venue).
I’m thirsty.
It’s time to go drinking under The Helm’s glittery black retro stucco ceiling, prettier than any clear night sky.
Cheers.