Annie’s Uppertown Tavern

Have you ever wondered what it felt like to be in heaven? Well. Annie’s is as close as it gets here on earth.
Unless you’re picky and require a full set of teeth. This is the place for you!

Dude. I went to Annie’s!!! I woke up with vague memories of going here. The things I can remember were slightly less horrifying then you would imagine. There are some filthy characters who frequent this joint. I mean it is a strip club but do you really need to look INSIDE of someones box? The stripper played my boob accordion for a buck. Pretty standard shit. I don’t think I will be back I just had to see what was going on in there!

Annie’s, wow! What’s there to say? I was out to sea for months, no women, bad food, long hours, little sleep, and worn porn mags used by 6 dudes: with all the good pages stuck together. Pulled into Astoria and was by choice directed into the nearest and found out later the only titty bar within days of here. Dear God!!! Went to store bought more porn mags and then some penicillin (because of Annie’s)

To be fair I haven’t been to this place in over 10 years so things might have changed since then. Not likely though. If it were possible to give negative stars I would. I always joke about this place with friends whenever a stripper story comes up in conversation. This place is less strip club, more retirement home for former strippers. But what do you expect from a town with less than 10,000 people and over an hour from the nearest metropolitan area? Quite frankly, I was amazed that a town of this size could support a business like this. But sure enough, any night of the week this place is packed with salty fisherman and 21 year old coast guardsmen throwing their weeks pay away on girls with stretch marks and c-​section scars as far as the eye can see. They used to advertise «$ 1 PBR’s» proudly as the house special, which used to be funny until I found out that hipsters apparently drink PBR ironically now. So if you are a hipster in town from Portland at least you have that. I brought a few friends by who were passing through town on their way to Seattle to witness the train wreck. When my buddy Ron was in the bathroom we found the oldest stripper we could find (don’t know her name, we just called her Flap Jacks for obvious reasons), gave her $ 40 and told her it was his birthday and to «hook him up». Boy did she ever. The look of sheer terror on his face as she took his hand in her claw and slowly escorted him to the private dancing area was well worth the price. We all had a few laughs, mostly at the expense of my buddy David who for some reason got cast under one of the strippers spells and ended up buying her drinks for most of the night. On the way out we all bought some t-​shirts to mark the occasion, which promptly faded out after 1 laundry cycle. This place is great, as a novelty. It’s fun to go once, maybe twice over a couple of years, but only with friends. If you’re going there by yourself there might be something wrong with you. It is in no way classy, sexy, or full of hot girls. Take the time to drive to Portland if you want a real «gentleman’s club» experience.

I’ve been here maybe 3 times, the last time I went was the last! I went with my buddy to get a beer and see some girls. The bartender kept calling us gay, my response was, «it’s odd that two buddies come out to a strip club». He just kept mocking us until I said enough is enough. I was willing to drop some good cash on dancers, drinks, lotto, and a private dance but he blew it.

I’ve been to the «new» Annie’s Saloon at least two dozen since it was taken over by new owners. Owner/​bartender is very sweet and extremely personable. The rest of the staff is very friendly and way more laid back then the clubs in Portland. The majority of the dancers are all attractive and also friendly, naturally. :-) …in addition to alleged rumors, i have NEVER been solicited by any of the Dancers. I too was there the night of the «alleged» brawl that never happened! The local police and the liar chief along with the city are in my opinion picking on Annie’s like a bunch of sour bullies. I have literally witness police make up reasons to stop and harass the owners, APD should be ashamed of themselves! Support and assist your local businesses, stop trying to put good people out of business!

I’ve been waiting a long time to write this review. So the story goes like this… a few months ago, someone posts a news story on Unilocal talk about a street brawl between fisherman and loggers outside this place called Annie’s Tavern.
Fast forward a week.
The Old Man and I were on a camping trip on the beach and had planned a wine tour on the way home… but of course we stopped at a local bar in Tillamook and plans changed quickly. And if you know us, we love dive bars and suddenly a dive bar tour up the coast sounded way better. We went to the trashiest, filthiest places we could find. A logger tavern, a Chinese restaurant with a tiny bar in the back with grapes hanging from the ceiling, and once we got up to Astoria, low and behold we came upon Annie’s Tavern. My memory served me well, and I told Mac about the news story and we just had to make that a stop on our epic coastal bar crawl.
Except it wasn’t any old bar. It was a stripclub!!! No liquor, lots of creepy oldsters at the rack, tons of trashy strippers…
And then… Annie came out.
Annie wasn’t your typical stripper. She wasn’t overly done up, in fact, I don’t think she even had a stitch of makeup on. She donned some glasses similar to mine and had her hair back in a ponytail.
The point is, she didn’t LOOK like a stripper. Her dancing was intriguing, but not slutty. She turned around and took her top off in a peekaboo, almost modest, striptease kind of way. I just kept wondering WHY Annie was working in this place. She was the classiest stripper I’d ever seen, yet she was in the trashiest hell-​hole. Poor little Annie.
Annie’s tavern gets an extra star because of her. I hope she can get out of there!